Counselor's Corner

                                                                  Let’s Go Be Brave Together  Dear Dr. Ayres: I am panicking as the COVID numbers rise. It seems like every day the news gets worse and I’m struggling to balance parenting and work. Nothing feels safe right now. Help! Pandemic Parenting  Dear Pandemic Parenting:  You are not alone. Your panic and struggle are felt by comrades around the globe - parents and non-parents alike. A few weeks ago, I taught our summer school students about anxiety and the members of the “Anxiety Family” (e.g. Worried, Anxious, Uncertain, Terrified, Startled). We learned that all Anxiety family members share a common trait: They are experienced both physically (via our brain chemicals and body sensations) and mentally (via our thoughts). Panic is the family’s loudest, most outspoken relative and nobody wants her to visit. Nevertheless, she occasionally invites herself over and typically behaves obnoxiously during her visits. Let me describe how he

Last week we talked about the story of the bamboo farmer who continued to water seeds that did not sprout. After five years of diligent watering, the seeds sprouted and, within a few weeks, became a thriving bamboo forest. We discussed that, as educators, we are the bamboo farmer and the children we nurture are the seeds. The story has another layer for us to consider. In addition to being the farmer, we, as ever-evolving humans, are also the seeds – destined to outgrow our original casings as we expand, transform, and actualize our potential. And, like the farmer’s bamboo seeds, our metamorphosis is contingent upon the nourishment we receive from outside sources.   The soil . The space that surrounds us affects our journey and ability to grow. When our space is toxic, our goal shifts from “thrive” to “survive.” We remain small and constricted, instead of pursuing our destiny to develop into something greater.  Healthy soil, in contrast, gives us a safe base from which we can explo

Dear Dr. Ayres: I worry my children are losing interest in anything other than their iPads and phones. When I insist they turn them off, they are resentful, distracted, and unable to move on.  Our family time is becoming torturous for everyone. Help! Tortured by Technology Dear Tortured, Your concern is shared by parents across the world, including me.   My children recently lost a week of iPad privileges and after the words left my mouth, a somewhat panicked question arose in my head: “What are we going to do now?!!  As with most parenting struggles, the journey to finding an effective intervention begins with self-reflection. As I pondered my initial response to the iPad limit setting, I acknowledged how often I use their technology fascination to get tasks accomplished without parental distractions. I got honest about my own technology use and how difficult it is to unplug when I am engrossed in screen time. I thought about how my executive functioning skills are decades older

There’s a Chinese fable about a farmer. He grew typical crops, like corn and wheat, as did his neighbors. One day he went to the market and, in exchange for a chicken, he left with seeds that were promised to yield an abundant bamboo crop. He went home, prepared his land, and planted the seeds. He diligently cared for the soil with daily watering. The first year, nothing happened. He continued watering the ground. The second year, the same thing. The third year, yet again, nothing occurred. By the fourth year, everyone thought he was foolish and had made the mistake of a lifetime. The seeds never sprouted that year. One night in the fifth year, the farmer lamented the lack of any progress. He cursed the man who tricked him with the bamboo seeds and stole his chicken. Then he cursed himself for not accepting that the seeds had been a hoax when they failed to sprout. He awoke the next morning, still despondent, and begrudgingly went outside to water the soil. He discovered that the bambo

  Dear Dr. Ayres, My children will not stop fighting! I am so tired of hearing them argue about ridiculous things and insult each other. Everything is a battle and I am constantly getting pulled into refereeing a fight. Please help! Resentful Referee Dear Resentful Referee: We have dozens of tablet chargers in our house and they all seem basically the same to me. Did you know that it’s possible to have a favorite charger? I did not until I was faced with a teary child who lamented quite pitifully that his brother took his “favorite charger on purpose.”   Our siblings serve an important role on our journey to healthy, adult communication and relationships. We learn how to self-advocate as we navigate childhood’s important decisions, like who sits in the middle of the back seat of the family car or who controls the remote. We learn that we will not always get what we want, how to tolerate jealousy, and that concepts like sharing and compromising are better than the alternative