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Sneaker Wishes

Dear [Insert Your Child’s Name Here]

 

It’s the night before school starts. A lot of changes are coming. Your first-day clothes are next to your bed. Your pristine sneakers are waiting alongside your brand-new backpack with a supply bag filled with freshly sharpened pencils, an eraser that awaits your first do-over, a not-yet-dried-out glue stick, a shiny new pair of scissors and a brand-new box of crayons that smells like happiness and potential. You are ready, sweet one. You are growing up so quickly and those untarnished sneakers will carry you farther away from the days of strollers and spill-proof snack containers filled with Cheerios and Goldfish. Those shoes are going to take you on adventures that we cannot imagine tonight. Some of those adventures you will like, some you won’t, and some will fall in the “that was so-so” middle. I sewed some invisible wishes in the soles of your shoes so that they go with you, wherever those adventures lead. 

 

Wish #1. That you find friends who build you up and inspire you. Your friends will define you in a way that nothing else in life will. They are true indicators of where you choose to invest your heart. Invest wisely. Befriend the nice kids who treat you with kindness and enjoy being around you as you are right now. Maybe they won’t be the coolest, smartest, most athletic, or most popular kids on the playground. (By the way, those traits won’t always be as important as they are to you today.) While they may not seem quite as alluring as your shinier colleagues, the nice kids often are the ones you can depend on to show up with a flashlight to escort you through the dark. Invest in flashlight-carrying friends. Be a flashlight carrier to others.  

 

Wish #2. That you seek out new adventures and have patience with yourself as you scale the learning curve. Flag football sounds fun? Sign up. Give it a try. You’ll eventually figure out if you like it and, much less importantly, if you’re good at it. In the end, you may determine that saying “I play flag football” is much more fun than actually playing it.  That’s good data to have to guide future decisions. “I played flag football in sixth grade” is a lot better to say than “I have always wondered if I would have enjoyed playing flag football with my sixth-grade buddies.” Not all chances come around again, so grab them when they present themselves. You’ll spend most of your adulthood committed to activities and you’ll have less interest in (and time to devote to) learning a new skill from the very beginning. This era of life is about exploring and trying new things. Don’t waste it by narrowing your interests too early or allowing your worries to keep you from trying something new.

 

Wish #3. That you hold onto your moral compass and continue following it, even if it leads you away from the crowd. Choose loneliness temporary aloneness over doing something that feels wrong or mean. Temporary aloneness fades with time and connections with similarly-minded others; however, dropping your moral compass to fit in with the crowd can create memories written in inerasable permanent marker.

 

Wish #4. That you never forget your way home and that you remember that I am always on your side. I may not always understand. I may not always agree. I may even wish you had chosen differently. But I am always on your side. 

 

Happy first day, [insert your child’s name here]. What do I know for sure? You’ve got this and I’m cheering you from the front row, with tears in my eyes and excitement in my heart. I’m so proud of you. I love you. [Insert your name here.]


 

 

Dr. Ayres’s Counselor’s Corner blogs are intended to address readers’ questions about parenting, self-care, relationships, motivation and other psychology-related issues. They are not a substitute for professional advice or therapy. If you have topics for future blogs, please send them to jayres@rawsonsaunders.org. Names and identifying information will be protected.

 

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